Who’s skeptical of training? Please, raise your hand.

Great, thanks. Wow, that’s a lot.

Let’s get more specific. Who’s skeptical of another round of sales, service, leadership training?

Really, everyone? We get it. We’ve seen it.

It’s another offsite. Space is tight. A 3-ring binder with multicolored tabs awaits you. You jot your name down on the tent card and angle it toward the meeting host.

Your other name tag is already curling free above your shirt pocket. You press the escaping corner back down and it sticks for a moment, then unfurls in the direction of the door.

There’s a single sheet of paper before you – the agenda. You check it for the first coffee break, lunch, afternoon break, meeting end.

You then scan the room for the young high achievers whose too eager participation could risk the on-time start of happy hour.

You nod and smile at one colleague who got a piece of your most recent deal. You haven’t forgiven her yet. Another shoots bullets at you with his eyes. Ooops, you got a few of his accounts – really good ones, it turns out – in the most recent territory restructure. You look away.

Front row right, you see regional manager “Big Slice” is here. “Ruggy,” your manager, is next to Big Slice. You see Ruggy pat down the back of his toupee. Big Slice looks like he’s mid-story, smiling. He moves his hands in a way that makes you think he’s explaining the tortured trajectory of another lost Titleist.

The trainer soon emerges – a little late – and introduces himself and apologizes for the number of slides he’s about to unleash on you. He’s also armed with an easel, which soon displays a crudely drawn Venn diagram.

The trainer pulls out a blue Sharpie and colors in “the sweet spot” of the diagram. That’s the destination for the day, he says. No one sees you roll your eyes.

You slump back in your chair. The room feels really warm. A hand goes up after the second slide. Already? A high achiever has a question.

Way, way later on, you head back to your room. Happy hour was good but caused you to forget the 3-ring binder. That’s OK. You’ll never do the self-directed learning (“homework”) anyway. No one holds you accountable in these things.

One of the high achievers used the trainer’s term “thinkification” several times at happy hour. But you’ll never use it. Ruggy might during the next team meeting.

But you’ve been through this kind of programmatic training before. Everything evaporates after a week. In three to six months, it’s a distant memory.

You’ve been there, done that. Nothing ever sticks with programmatic training.  Especially not for you. So why do it at all? You smile as you enter your room and turn on ESPN. The mini-bar is inviting.

Your name is Jonathon. You’re vaguely aware that your sales colleagues have a nickname for you, too. But that shouldn’t be a surprise. Everyone does. The high achiever slipped and used it at happy hour.

Actually, you like it. Teflon Jon.